Are You Angry in Menopause? You Should Be.
The system wasn’t built for us. Of course we’re mad.
If you’ve felt more angry lately, you’re not alone. And no, you’re not overreacting. You’re paying attention.
One of the most under-discussed truths about menopause is that for many women, it brings a level of emotional clarity they’ve never experienced before. You start to see your life more clearly… what’s working, what’s broken, what’s never really been fair. But it’s not just personal. For many of us, that clarity also reveals something much bigger: how badly the system has failed us.
Most women reach perimenopause without a clear understanding of what it is, how long it lasts, or what symptoms to expect. We’re taught to expect hot flashes and maybe some mood swings, but no one tells us that estrogen plays a key role in regulating serotonin, dopamine, and even how we process fear. No one warns us that the physical changes often come hand-in-hand with cognitive shifts, emotional disconnection, and a level of anxiety that feels unrecognizable.
And by the time we start asking questions, many of us run into the same wall: doctors who dismiss us, offer outdated information, or tell us to “wait it out.” We’re prescribed antidepressants when what we need is hormone therapy. We’re told it’s stress. We’re told it’s aging. We’re told it’s normal. But when half the population goes through menopause and fewer than 20 percent of OB-GYNs are trained in menopause care, it’s not normal. It’s negligence.
The more I researched for How to Menopause, the more I realized how angry I was. Not just at what I didn’t know, but at how hard I had to work to get basic answers. I interviewed leading doctors, scientists, and researchers who are pushing for change, but I also heard from women who went years without help, who were misdiagnosed, overlooked, or made to feel like they were making too much of it.
That anger is not hormonal. It’s earned.
We should be angry that menopause has been kept in the shadows. That it’s still treated as a punchline. That billions are spent on erectile dysfunction research, but women are told to take a deep breath and ride it out.
We should be angry that we’ve had to whisper about symptoms, struggle to find community, and crowdsource medical advice in Facebook groups because the people we trusted to care for us weren’t trained to.
We should be angry that we’ve been told to be grateful instead of asking for better.
Anger is not a breakdown. It’s a signal. And for many of us, menopause is the first time we’ve allowed ourselves to feel it.
So yes, if you’re feeling mad, let that feeling come through. Name it. Use it. Because buried inside that anger is something powerful: the demand to be seen, taken seriously, and cared for with the dignity every woman deserves.
We’re not difficult. We’re done waiting.
This can be such an incredible time in life. I want you to know that and having a community around it makes all the difference. That is why I am so glad you are here. If you want to learn more:
Listen to my podcast: The Tamsen Show
Get a copy of: How To Menopause
Lots of free tools resources: TamsenFadal.com
xo Tamsen